Thursday, August 30, 2007

COSA, Erlang, Computer Geeks and the Bible

What I love about most computer geeks is that they are like jihadists. They are on a crusade to convert the world to their own point of view; they have their own chicken shit religions (e.g., trekkie, Jedi, etc…); they believe in all sorts of religious nonsense (e.g., time travel, wormholes, black holes, parallel universes, materialism, big bang, immortality via brain upload, conscious robots, etc…); they have an unmitigated hatred of other religions, especially Christianity, which is understandable, most of Christianity being the crap that it is (God, I love burning bridges, ahaha…); they have no social skills; they almost never get laid, they have a touch of autism; and last but not least, they are fervent worshippers of one particular programming language or another, not to mention computer brands and operating systems. They are an interesting bunch, to say the least.

The best way to piss off a computer geek is to tell them that their favorite language (e.g., Erlang), or their favorite OS (e.g., Linux), or their favorite movie (Star Trek) is crap. It’s like throwing holy water on a vampire. Now (and this is the fun part), if you tell a computer geek that his/her entire way of building and programming computers is crap, then all hell breaks loose. This is a no-no because the computer geek fancies himself or herself to be among the smartest people on earth, you see. Telling them that they don’t know what computing is really about (which is true) is like telling them that they are stupid (which they are).

So what do computer geeks do when their favorite idols are trampled on and dragged in horse manure? Well, what do all religious fanatics do when they feel insulted? They launch a jihad, a crusade. That’s what they do. They jump up and down and foam at the mouth. They declare fatwas. Look, he believes in the Bible! The infidel must die! ahahaha…

All right. That’s enough fun for the day. Let me end this humorous tirade by pointing out that one of the goals of Project COSA is to make computer geeks obsolete (LOL). Application development will be so easy that even stupid creationists will find it a breeze (ROTFL). Ok, that’s it. I can’t take it any more. Back to bashing Erlang. That's more fun.

PS. I added some more stuff to the Parallel QuickSort page.


Sal Mangano said...

Since you were so helpful in pointing out how to piss-off a geek, allow me to add some insight into how to piss of a Kook (ahem, that would be you).

1) Point out to them that they are a kook (too easy, I admit).

2) Be just a bit sarcastic and watch them resort to ethinic or other low-class insults (as per your last reply to me).

3) Actually ask them to substantiate their claims (like maybe an implementation of Crap On Stick Architecture, or better yet, Can’t Operate Something Absent aka COSA).

4) Speculate that the reason why they day-dream about new ways of programming, doing physics, etc. is because they failed miserably at any attempt to program, do real physics, etc. (Probability 85%, in your case).

5) Give them even a smidgen of mild criticism and watch them attack like you just insulted their mother.

6) Speculate that they probably still live with their mother (I put the odds of this being true for you at about 65%).

7) Ignore them (I need to work on this one!).

Have a great night.

Your favorite Dago, Ginzo, Greaseball, Guinea, Guido, Wop (figured I save you the trouble).

Anonymous said...

Meesa wanna cosa.

Jar Jar

Louis Savain said...

ahahaha... Salvatore. Paisano! What are you getting offended for? Oh, I get it. You're a computer geek, sitting in front of your computer getting all excited about some piece of Erlang code.

Look, this is the 21st century, man. Give that shit up. All that computer language stuff is old. It's archaic, it's ugly and it smells like mildew. I call it geriatric computing because it's what the old programmers from the sixties and seventies get off on.

My advice to you is, go watch Minority Report. Look carefully at the scenes where Tom Cruise is moving stuff around on the screen. That's the future of computing, man. In the future (real soon now), anybody and their aunt Mary will be able to stand in front of one of Jeff Han's multi touch screens and slap some awsome application together with their bare fingers and a microphone.

I hate to break it to you this way but all of you old programmers are gonna be obsolete, soon. The future does not need you, man. Computing is about to change drastically, right in your face, while you're busy fondling a code listing in your pocket. You will be laughed at when you bring up your knowledge of Erlang, Haskell, Ruby, Occaml or what have you. You people are a bunch of walking dinausaurs. You just don't know it yet. ahahaha...

Louis Savain said...

Meesa wanna cosa.

Jar Jar

ahahaha... This is funny as hell. ahahaha...

I normally trash anonymous comments but you made my day. ahahaha... AHAHAHA... ahahaha...